People Solutions for the 21st Century
Volume II - Issue #5 - "On Top of Stress"
Our Mission is to help you protect and optimize your greatest asset - your people.

Welcome to the fifth (somewhat different) issue of The Grimme Report newsletter from GHR Training Solutions and the Workplace Violence Headquarters. We bring you this news bulletin monthly - including analyses and tips on preventing workplace violence, reducing stress and improving employee performance at your organization. What's "somewhat different" about this issue? Instead of containing several short articles and tips on multiple (albeit related) topics,
we examine - in some depth - the nature of STRESS. In this issue:

How Stressed Are You? - Stress Inventory

You know you're stressed. [Good grief, who isn't!] But how severely? Take a couple minutes to complete and score the following brief self inventory. And be honest. It's for your eyes only. And self-deception is not an effective stress-reduction technique.

Circle the number that best describes your feelings:

1 - I almost never feel this way.
2 - I occasionally feel this way.
3 - I frequently feel this way.
4 - I almost always feel this way.

I like to be in control.	1		2		3		4
Life should be fair.	1		2		3		4
I have a hard time saying "no".	1		2		3		4
I like things to be perfect.	1		2		3		4
I have high expectations of myself.	1		2		3		4
I worry about what people think.	1		2		3		4
If I want it done right, I do it myself.	1		2		3		4
I feel guilty easily.	1		2		3		4
I should not fail.	1		2		3		4
People should be nice to me.	1		2		3		4
I do not like to make waves.	1		2		3		4
I think people take advantage of me.	1		2		3		4
I feel like my situation is hopeless.	1		2		3		4
My life is running me.	1		2		3		4
Things never seem to go my way.	1		2		3		4
SUBTOTAL	____	+	____	+	____	+	____	=	____	*

Scoring:

1) Subtotal - add the actual numbers circled in each column.
2) Then add subtotals for Grand Total.

Interpretation:

0 - 15 = You are a stress REJECT, i.e., you're a relaxed person (and don't need to read this issue - unless, of course, you
ever deal with stressed people).

16 - 25 = You are a stress NOVICE, i.e., you experience a mild amount of anxiety and stress.

26 - 35 = You are a stress EXPERT, i.e., you're anxious, irritable and stressed most of the time.

36 - 60 = You are a stress MASTER (about to burn-out), i.e., you are very anxious and dissatisfied with yourself and others most of the time.

Why Are You So Cranky? [return to top]
Understanding the Fundamentals of Stress

Now don't be offended. WE think you're a very nice person. It's just that we suspect you may occasionally feel cranky - even though, of course, you never let it show. But WHY do you feel cranky? Another reason for that potentially off-putting title: This article began life as a brief sidebar for an upcoming issue - featuring our colleague and guest columnist, Leslie Charles, author of the book, Why is Everyone So Cranky? [Hence the variation-on-a-theme title.] But we found there was more we needed to say about the fundamentals of stress, beyond providing a few quick-fix nuggets. Don't worry, the nuggets are here [see the following "TIPS"] - and they're not just quick-fix. And Leslie will be with us in the next
issue, exploring why "everyone" - including your employees and customers - is so cranky. [Can't wait? Click on the link to her web site under "For Deeper Exploration" near the bottom of this E-Zine.]

Underlying all crankiness is ... STRESS.

But what exactly is "stress"? Is it an over-demanding job? Is it the juggling of work and family responsibilities? Is it the result of having to deal with other cranky people? Well...believe it or not..."stress" is what we do to ourselves! When you first saw that Stress Inventory, we bet you thought it would enumerate "stressful" life events. Instead, we asked you about your thoughts, behaviors and feelings. You see, all those external event stressors - which seem like stress - really are just triggers of our own erroneous thoughts.

Stop and think for a moment about any of your "3" or "4" answers to the Inventory above. WHY do you act or feel that way? What thoughts underlie those actions or feelings? We suspect that those thoughts are self-conflicting. And probably some variation on: "I must AND I can't!" Let's say a member of your staff does something that you regard as intolerable, e.g., misses a deadline, mistreats a customer or violates a safety procedure. Now, none of these behaviors should be ignored - you should feel propelled to take appropriate action. But, in addition, you'll probably also experience stress...and may exhibit crankiness.

Here's the two-edged reason why:

#1: The very fact that you regard it as "intolerable". Not just undesirable, but unacceptable, i.e., you believe you CAN'T
accept it.

#2: You recognize that you MUST accept it.

"I can't" - at war with - "I must."

In this case, that "must" is closer to the truth than the "can't". The behavior has occurred, like it or not. And you bear the consequences for it. You do have a responsibility - not for the employee's behavior itself - but for taking corrective action. [Note the clarification. Believing that you are directly responsible for the behavior of others is a common - but erroneous - source of stress. It's especially prevalent among parents, of course, but managers also often fall victim. More on this below.]

Here's another example...actually a compounding of the same situation:

You tell yourself that you MUST take corrective action, but you don't know what to do, i.e., "you CAN'T". Perhaps you've had insufficient training or experience to handle such matters effectively or your authority/freedom of action is restricted in some way or the employee has been unreceptive to coaching in the past OR a combination of these. You believe that you CAN'T correct the situation. It is the internal conflict between absolutes, such as "I must" and "I can't", that is the root of all stress. The classic "irresistible force" and "immovable object". Your very being "knows" that the conflict (as stated) can't be resolved...and you feel a rush of anxiety, worry and/or guilt. So, HOW do you resolve it? - by challenging either or both of those (erroneous) absolutes! REFRAME the "must" to "want to" - and the "can't" to "can."

Sound simplistic? Well sometimes it is simple...but not necessarily easy. In the example above, that "can" may involve effort, e.g., study, thought or asking for assistance, advice or authority to act. And, in general, this reframing requires extensive practice to become a habit...as well as a rethinking of many of your most closely held precepts [aka fundamental convictions]. This "flawed logic" usually is deeply rooted - and reinforced by the world around you. For example, we expect that you may have taken issue with our assertion that you are not responsible for the actions of others. Do we seem to be challenging a key principle of leadership (or parenthood)? [Actually, we're challenging what we hold to be a misstatement of that principle. We maintain: leaders influence (rather than control)...and deal with the consequences of their employees' actions (rather than being the direct cause of the actions).]

Another example of faulty thinking is the belief (widely held, especially among men) that asking for help is a sign of weakness. "I can't appear weak." [Actually, it's a sign of maturity and self-esteem.] And, sometimes, the rethinking required may not be simple. For example, the source of erroneous conflict can be contained in multiple meanings of the same word! Take that word "responsible." The American Heritage Dictionary defines it as "involving personal accountability" AND "being a source or cause." If you are a leader, you are "accountable" for your organization's performance. ["The buck stops here."] But as stated above, though you are expected to influence others, you are not the
direct "source or cause" of the actions of individual employees. You CAN'T "control" other people. To attempt to do so produces stress .....and makes other people miserable. [Any of us who has ever worked for a "micromanager" knows that secondary consequence all too well.]

Philosopher/novelist Ayn Rand called such multiple-meaning words "conceptual package deals": using one word to "package" - simultaneously - two different, conflicting concepts. [NOTE: We are not referring to different words that are spelled the same. For example, "lie" can mean either "recline" OR "falsehood", but never both at the same time (other than as a deliberate "play on words").] In a conceptual package deal, however, you hold in your mind BOTH meanings - at the same time.

Another way to think of package concepts is as a special type of connotations, i.e., the value-laden flavor that words can have. For example, "abrupt" literally means "unexpectedly sudden." When describing a person's behavior, it has the connotation of "curt", "rude" or "brusque."

Unlike many connotations, however, the connotations of package concepts are multiple and conflicting. "Abrupt" doesn't connote "rude" AND "polite." But for many of us, "responsible" connotes both: "it's appropriate for me to handle the consequences of that action" AND "I caused that action in the first place" - the latter valid only if we're talking about one's own behavior. To make matters worse (because of their crippling effects), "responsible" often packages negative concepts like "fault" and "blame", as well. Even the word "must" can be a package concept. Often, we misuse it to mean "it is important that" or "strongly desire to" - while also holding in our mind the absolute compulsion (and dire consequences)
involved with "have to" or "no choice." "Can't" also is often misused to mean "have difficulty" or "am uncertain"...but without giving up paralyzing effect of "unable."

Here's a sampling of some other (organization-related) stress-inducing package concepts:

- "Loyalty": "full commitment to the stated values of the employer" (or, perhaps, "never betraying the employment contract") - packaged with - "My company (or boss) right or wrong"

- "Policy": "guideline for handling similar situations" - packaged with - "absolute law"

- "Authority": "The organization publicly supports my acting on my own judgment within this scope" - packaged with - "My word is law" OR "I have just enough rope to hang myself"

- "Employee": "fellow human being with whom there is a contractual working relationship" - packaged with - "property/servant/child/SUBordinate/headcount"

- "Boss": "responsible for providing direction, receiving reports and evaluating performance" - packaged with - "bully/master/father"

- "ASAP": "as soon as you can fit it into your other priorities" - packaged with - "Hop to it!"

We're sure you can think of many more. In fact, we'd appreciate your sharing them with us - whether work-related or otherwise. And not just "package concepts," but also any examples of stress-inducing thoughts or, even, external stressors. With your permission, we'll publish them in the newsletter.

In future issues we'll describe some of the ramifications of conflicts like "I must"/"I can't"...and the cognitive-behavioral techniques to overcome them, including: self-talk, anger management, and the "3 A's" of Attitude-Assertion-Active Listening.

Three TIPS to Reduce Your Stress [return to top]

#1: Recognize that worrying about something isn't going to change anything; it's just making you (and others?) feel miserable. Make a plan and take action...OR let it go and move on.

#2: Don't "should" on yourself! A "should" that you want to do is a "want" - do it because you want to do it. Take a second look at any "should" you don't want to do - discover if you really do want to (perhaps considering a broader context)...OR eliminate it.

#3: To calm yourself (and clear your mind for the rethinking required by the first two tips): Practice breathing deeply from your diaphragm. Inhale slowly through your nose; exhale even slower through your mouth. Try it now. It really works!

How We Can Help [return to top]

For many years now, Don & Sheryl Grimme of GHR Training Solutions have been providing training, coaching and consulting services - focused on reducing job stress and on other pressing workplace or personal issues - to individuals and organizations in every sector of the economy.

"Thank you for your outstanding workshop on coping with...stress, anger and violence. The positive atmosphere...relaxed approach and interaction...contributed immensely to the learning process."
- David Gorwitz, SPHR, Human Resources Analyst, County of York, VA

Through our customized on-site workshops and seminars - you and your organization will quickly discover result-oriented ways to master stress, reduce absenteeism and increase productivity. Sheryl & Don Grimme are one of the top training and speaking teams in the country! [That's quite a claim. See for yourself - by viewing our online Demo Video at http://www.ghr-training.com/index_demo.htm.]

"Your skills as Trainers are outstanding. You are enthusiastic, energetic and bring a sense of humor to your presentation that facilitates learning."
- Marcia Miller, Program Director, Big Brothers Big Sisters

We specialize in helping you to protect and optimize your organization ....by giving you the answers you need and the solutions to your most urgent people problems. Blending a unique and complementary set of experience and talents
[see our Bio at http://www.ghr-training.com/index_meetgrimmies.htm], we show you how to immunize your organization from the ravages of violence, harassment and unwarranted stress ... and how to galvanize your workforce - individually and in teams.

"You consistently exhibit empathy, listening, feedback and self-esteem...and are a role model for Constant Respect for People. You have such real, sincere, mature skills."
- Carol Rosener, Master Trainer, Motorola

Our core workplace stress management program is:

On Top of Stress: How to Beat Stress Before it Beats You

[described at http://www.ghr-training.com/index_stressreduction.htm]
> Available in a variety of formats and lengths <
> And at affordable costs <

Full-Day Program $2,500* [$2,000 in South Florida]
(includes multiple sessions of shorter programs)

Half-Day Program $2,000* [$1,500 in South Florida]
Up to 90 Minutes $1,500* [$1,000 in South Florida]

* plus travel expenses

All of these prices are per-class. You decide how many attendees per class (although we recommend no more than 25, for true learning).

So ... if you have 25 of your employees attend a full-day workshop - and our expenses are $1,000 (which is average) - your total cost per student is only $140!

[If a couple hundred attend a 90-minute presentation, the cost per
attendee is...trivial.]

OR - to really squeeze that training dollar - schedule two groups of 25 employees into half-day workshops ... for a total cost per student of only $70!

Each of our programs includes (at no additional charge):

- Life effectiveness skills (e.g., self-talk, assertion, change)
- Customization to your organization's requirements and participants
- Pre-program interviews and post-program follow-up
- Dynamic presentation/facilitation by Sheryl and Don Grimme
- Powerful visual aids and an information-packed participant manual
- Highly interactive exercises and discussion
- Package rates for multiple-day bookings!

To schedule a workshop, presentation or consultation for your organization, contact the Grimmes - today - at 954-720-1512 or at mailto:Solutions@GHR-Training.com.

We're here to assist you and keep your organization effective and profitable. Give your management and employees the tools to fight against the internal and external assaults that threaten to destroy everything you've worked for.

"Attendees rated your presentation 4.9 out of 5...most innovative of all issues covered."
- Paul Gosselin, Conference Director, Institute for International Research

"Just Browsing"?

Give Don or Sheryl a call at 954-720-1512 - or send us a note at mailto:questions@ghr-training.com - for a free, no-obligation discussion of the challenges you're facing ... or just answers to some questions you may have. And (if you request it) we'll prepare a detailed proposal - tailored to your requirements! You have our pledge that we will not hound you with nagging sales calls or emails!

For Deeper Exploration [return to top]

- To learn Why Is Everyone So Cranky?, visit Leslie Charles' web site at http://whyiseveryonesocranky.com/.

- See more tips on "How to Beat Stress Before it Beats You" at http://www.speaking.com/articles_html/SherylGrimme_892.html.

- For an outline of one of GHR's "On Top of Stress" workshops, go to http://209.221.155.161/OnTopofStress.doc [full-day sample shown].

GHR Training Solutions is a training, coaching and consulting firm dedicated to improving employee and organizational effectiveness through stress management, violence & harassment prevention, employee motivation & retention and team building programs. Principals Don & Sheryl Grimme have both the HR management and coaching expertise you need - to help you protect and optimize your workforce ... or to grow as an individual.

Contact us at (954) 720-1512 or mailto:Solutions@GHR-Training.com. And visit our information-packed web sites at:

- http://www.GHR-Training.com
- http://www.Workplace-Violence-HQ.com
- http://www.Employee-Retention-HQ.com
- http://www.Employee-Motivation-HQ.com

Suggestions, Privacy, Reprint, Subscribe or Un-subscribe [return to top]

Thank you for reading our newsletter. We hope you find it useful. Please send us any suggestions for future topics or questions you would like answered: mailto:Newsletter@GHR-Training.com. You received this publication because you have contacted GHR Training Solutions or attended a Sheryl & Don Grimme presentation in the past ... or are a human resources, security or meeting executive whom we believe would benefit from its content.

 

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